


Lost One

by kbbi



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Arguing, Break Up, Crying, Depressing, Depression, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Tears, Unhappy Ending, heavy thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 21:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17149571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbbi/pseuds/kbbi
Summary: It wasn't supposed to end like this.So why did it?





	Lost One

It wasn't supposed to be like this. They were supposed to be smiling, cheeks pink and warm with affection, and their hearts so full of _love_ that they were on the verge of bursting. They were supposed to be happy. They weren't supposed to be standing so far apart, hands clenched into fists at their sides and tears burning within their eyes. They were supposed to be so much more than _this_. The love between them should have prevailed over all of their faults and insecurities. It should have kept them afloat and yet... 

Yet here they were; _drowning_ and _**lost**_.

Changkyun was saying something to him now, rasping voice hesitant and panicked all at once, but Jooheon couldn't comprehend what the man was saying. Each word went into one ear and right out the other as though there wasn't a net within his mind to keep it all in place. He couldn't understand _any of it_. As if not realizing this, the other man stepped forward, strengthened his words and reached out as if to touch him. As if to bring him back into the past where they were wrapped around each other giggling with lovestruck giddiness. As if he could wind the clock back to erase the last twenty minutes of their fight and soothe away the festering wounds they'd left each other. _As if his last parting shot hadn't ripped through him like a bullet._ Except it had and this couldn't be fixed any longer. Regardless of how hopeful Changkyun was, or how he cradled his lovers face between his palms to speak softly in an attempt to distract him from the twisting pain in his chest, it was over. 

Jooheon couldn't **breathe** as those spindly fingers stroked over his cheeks, wiping away tears that he hadn't even realized had started falling yet. He couldn't _**breathe**_ and Changkyun was making it worse by talking more. He could barely make out the other man's words through that steady thumping noise of his heart but it didn't matter. How could it possibly matter after what had just happened? How could the other man even think about reaching out to him now? Nothing Changkyun could say would repair what they'd once had. Nothing could bring him back to the other man's arms. It was done with. It was all over and Jooheon's world was falling out from under him. There were no more safety nets left for them to catch each other with and Jooheon was drowning in the reality of it. _Drowning_ in the pain burning from his chest to his lungs as he fought with his brain to let him breathe through the agony. It hurt so much more than anyone could have ever warned him. It _**hurt**_ and there was nowhere else for him to go now to soothe the aches away. This wasn't home to him anymore-hadn't felt like home in a long while.

He turned away first, breaking all physical contact with the other man as he moved, feet filled with lead and body wholly uncoordinated in its shock. There was a fuzzy numbness starting to build at the back of his skull as he moved further and further away from Changkyun. It built itself up like white noise until it was flooding his thoughts with nothing but static. The only thing driving the man now was this desperate and _incessant_ need to get away-to be _**free**_ of the rising anxiety pounding loudly within his heart. Each step seemed to jostle both him and his thoughts as they pushed him forward like a zombie. Changkyun was still trying to talk to him, voice crowding around him louder and louder as though he were on the verge of shouting. Jooheon heard none of it, the only noise resonating within him being the sound of the door slamming shut behind him as he left.

Nothing could stop him as he moved, his body propelling itself forward until the building and Changkyun were no longer in view. The wintry night didn't even phase him as he kept moving despite the fact that he wasn't wearing anything warm. He didn't have a scarf or a hat to cover his ears or face, hadn't even grabbed a coat before leaving, but the chill of the night air around him didn't even register. The only warmth he felt now were how his tears trailed wet paths down his cheeks, burning the skin before the wind could steal the heat away. The tears wouldn't stop and Changkyun's voice appeared within the back of his mind to encourage them. His lover's final words slithered back into the forefront of his attention, vicious and brutal in their descent on his frayed composure. 

All he could think about now was how all of this could have happened. Yet in the typical cliche fashion of a k-drama, the man couldn't remember. He couldn’t even trace back to how their argument had even begun or why they'd both been so heated about it. All he could remember was coming home late, cheeks a bright shade of pink from where winter had bitten color into his skin, and Changkyun's face as he greeted him. The atmosphere had already been tense by the time he'd removed his coat, but it hadn't seemed out of the ordinary. It hadn't seemed like anything had gone wrong just yet and maybe that was where he should have realized something was off?

Should he have expected this? Should he have known what was coming?  
_Could he have been able to fix it if he had?_

The last question rang within his mind, zeroing out any further rebuttals or answers he could have possibly come up with. It struck a chord within his heart, tugging at the aching muscle until it went heavy and numb in his chest. Had their relationship already broken down so much that it was irreparable? Had they just given up on each other? While he knew relationships couldn't last forever, no matter how much someone desperately wished that they would, Jooheon had thought theirs would be different. He'd been naive in thinking that they would have been able to get past every single hurdle life threw at them. They’d made a promise to each other that they would but it seemed that they had broken it somewhere down the line. No matter how much he wished that they hadn’t, he knew that wishes don't come true. He knew that more than anyone. 

So could he have fixed it? Could he have fixed _them?_

 **No**.

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a quick one off for me to just get some emotions out. It was inspired by a few songs from Epik High and a playlist I've got going on. Take a quick guess on which Epik High song it is~! I'm sure you'll figure it out.
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much for reading this. If you'd like to chat or anything, you can find me at k-bbi on tumblr.


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